Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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