I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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