I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
