Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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