a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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