Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
