she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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