I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
