I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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