Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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