My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
