Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize