I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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