You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize