Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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