C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
