Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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