It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
