Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
