I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's blow job season.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
