Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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