I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
