I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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