Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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