We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize