you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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