Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
