It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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