i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize