Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So many bounce houses so little time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
