first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
