i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize