i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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