giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
