Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
