Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
