Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
