I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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