We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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