So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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