whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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