Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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