And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
