I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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