If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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