She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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