So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
