We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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