It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
