How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
