Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we made out on top of his cat.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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