You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
