just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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