Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
