Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
