I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
