I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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