this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
