Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
