I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
