Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
