A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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