carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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