; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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