you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
