I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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