worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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