We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
