just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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