just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
