dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
