you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize