one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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