took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
