Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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