i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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