matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
