there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
