I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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