Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
