he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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