I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
