you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
