Nicole vs. Life
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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