and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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