i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
