Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize