5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
