Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
