How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
