the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
