the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
