Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize